Over the course of the past couple weeks I have seen a new surge of blog posts such as this. There are even other ones such as this as well. The main thesis of these two articles seem to be counter acting lies that have been told in culture, yet the truth telling here is somewhat misguided as well and enfolding individuals in another lie altogether. We as a people in American culture always seem to create these false binaries (polar opposites in an argument), when in reality neither stance is entirely correct. Amid this incredible mess of hogwash that keeps wanting be heard by those that give it time to speak, there are strains of truth.
Yet, before I get to that, these two blogs present some troubling messages for those that are taking these sentences at face value. (I’m giving these two blogs superficial critiques here, because in reality that’s all that’s really there…superficiality.) The writer gives us a shock value with the title and as you read through the post it begins to become clear that he has a lot of the right things down, but his phrasing is (in my opinion) incredibly confusing and downright misleading. Sure, when he speaks of how he ‘loved’ his then future wife not in the degree he now loves her. This is an obvious observation, but it doesn’t stop there. When he comes to reflection on his feelings then to now he jumps to the opposite reality that his feelings were ‘fooling him’. It seems to thinly veil the proposition that ‘feelings are bad’, which is a Purityannical tool.
The second blog post is relying on the idea that you don’t have to be dead set on finding that ‘one person made just for you.’ Coming from this Christian perspective it seems to pigeonhole God in the reality that He doesn’t have a ‘one person’ picked out for you and for some people this may be comforting. It also destroys the cultural cliché of the ‘soulmate’, yet it also does a disservice to those who will be or are married. I think it would be fair to say that engaged or married couples have found their ‘soulmate’ or ‘that one person’. It seems to doubt that God can work out a plan that seems to encompass our own. Then again this may just my own nit pickiness with wording, but I think that is important, because we don’t have to look far here in the U.S.A. for people freaking out over wording.
All of this aside, I think that these two blog writers have indeed touched upon a few truths of Love. That Love does indeed take work, self-sacrifice and understanding. That Love indeed needs both people to live up to the expectations of the other and move toward a shared goal. That Love indeed deepens over time through struggle. Yet, what they have left out, since they have seen it corrupted by secular culture. Love can be found in a feeling or it is signaled by that feeling. Love has to start as a seed in order to grow given time. Love can be seen through passion no matter how wild or crazy it can be at times. The unification of these two views has to become a norm in our culture or we will never have a healthy view of what Love truly is.